My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
