Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
