And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
