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the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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