i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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