I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
