im holly from the hills drunk
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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