Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
