I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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