I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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