Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
