i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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