So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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