Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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