Who did Billy Mays play for?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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