Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
