I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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