1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
