What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
