I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
