I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
