I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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