Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
