i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
