i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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