My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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