Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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