I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
