you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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