I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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