We're facebook friends in real life
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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