Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
