I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
