I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
