ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
