i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
