if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
