first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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