Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
