I didn't shave. On purpose
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
