i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
