when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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