If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
