y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
