Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
