Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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