You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
