Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
