Pants 0. Shit 1.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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