She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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